Your horoscope for 2016

L0040140 Libra - Horoscope from 'The book of birth of Iskandar"

My friend Malin forwarded this year’s best horoscope to me. We were sitting in the cabin, using up all our mobile data, reading these spot-on predictions to each other. I feel that I have to share them with you, too, so that you can prepare yourselves for what 2016 has in store for you.

If you’re a Capricorn, you will lose the keys to your bike. Generally, your bike will play a certain role in your year. (I am so glad I am not a Capricorn.) As an Aquarius, I will experience a year that reminds you of The Lord of the Rings, including visiting a vulcano and growing hair on my feet. My lucky day will be Tuesday.

The Pisces among us will move abroad, make lots of money, and most importantly, learn to appreciate pickled cucumber. For the Aries, 2016 is a year of accomplishment as s/he will return library books and learn to juggle. A Taurus is recommended to join a choir because “det är awesome”. Gemini are especially beloved by Venus and Pluto this year which will have zero effect on their life, but the horoscope recommends eating onions.

Those born in the zodiac sign of Cancer will save the world by solving the climate crisis on their own in 2016. (Not bad!) I am particularly excited for the Leos around me because they will “learn perfect Danish, win a minor bike competition and fish a 800-hekto-berch”. Virgos are predicted to be in a telephone queue in August for more than an hour only to have the call disconnected later.

It is not the best year to be a Libra according to the horoscope: they are going to celebrate their birthday in fall in 2016 and receive a boring pullover as gift.For the Scorpio, the prediction sees the amoeba as a lucky animal in 2016, and the Sagittarius will drink its coffee with milk in late 2016 alongside with “winning 70 000 kronor in the lottery, good, huh?”

To read the full horoscope in Swedish,  click here.

One thought on “Your horoscope for 2016

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